One week ago today, marks my “Coming Out” to my wife Natalie. For years I have felt extremely different. Unlike anyone else. “Why can’t I wake up as a man?” I would ask myself. “It would fix everything”. From a very young age, I have always been very interested in females. Now you may think that that means that I am simply a lesbian, and that is definitely the name I have given myself, however, it is not truly who I am.
I have always looked up to male figures such as John Travolta, Tony Robbins, Robin Williams, Stevie Wonder, Otis Redding, Al Green, Gene Kelly and more. But it wasn’t that I looked up to them so much as it was that I wanted to wake up as them. When I say wake up as them, I simply mean the man I was supposed to be…not for fame or fortune.
When I finally came out to not only my wife last Wednesday date night, but also to myself, I felt a huge weight lift off of my chest. I felt like I finally told myself the truth that I have kept in my entire life. Instead of continuing to make excuses, I told the complete and honest truth about me to me. It felt so good. Almost surreal.
What I have done since that day, is a lot of thinking and taking small baby steps. I have always been a person that does not like body hair. To the point where I shave one to two times every day since the age of 13. This does not only include my body but also my face. I have a deficiency (which may not be the correct medical term), where my body does not produce proper estrogen levels and produces increased testosterone. Coincidence? I think not, but it is a common medical problem with a number of women my doctor tells me.
I tried a medication that increases your estrogen that my doctor gave me and it only made “me” so far from myself that I quit after a month and a half. It was not me at all. I also have a strong dislike to putting anything into my body that is not natural. I don’t even take Tylenol. So obviously, if I decide that I am going to become FTM transgender, then hormone therapy would be something I would need to take into consideration mentally.
It has been 3 days since I shaved my body and it is one of the weirdest feelings I have ever felt. I keep looking at myself in the mirror…what I picture myself as. How would I feel?